The truth about having kids before marriage

It’s looked down in many cultures to have kids before marriage, But is it crazy that I wouldn’t change it if I could go back and do it over?

Let me go back to the beginning, I met my husband when I was 16 we didn’t start dating until we were 22 and I found out I was pregnant a couple months after. I will be completely honest here I wasn’t particularly excited about the news, I was more shocked and it just felt like something special was happening but I couldn’t grasp how having Jude would change me.

I never considered getting married to Israel right away after we found out, I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready for that commitment yet and I surely wouldn’t force it because of this pregnancy. I found it easier to focus on preparing us to be parents and getting to a place where I knew we needed to be to welcome this baby. I knew I loved Israel, and I never worried about whether or not I did, I just knew that in time I would know I was ready to marry the father of my son.

The time came and Jude was here, We both had no idea how such a little baby would bring about such an incredibly strong love even between us, I fell in love more with Israel as a father then I had ever felt before. Things took some adjusting and I  would still think to myself, Marriage? no, not yet.. I know not everyone starts out the same way with their significant other but let’s just say it was a rough start. We were enjoying getting to know each other on a whole different level I knew this was right for us. It wasn’t until Jude was 3 or 4 years old that I started to feel like we were at a place where marriage would work, we loved each other differently now, I knew in my heart this man I could live for and trust.

Having Jude taught us more than parenthood, It taught us to not take each other for granted, taught us to love each other and appreciate our flaws. We still had a lot to learn at 23, when we became parents we had to learn how to work together and respect one another for the sake of keeping our baby happy and healthy. It wasn’t until I stopped doing it for Jude’s sake and for the sake of my love for Israel that I knew I was ready to get married.


  1. Kristan Kremer says

    Nice post! Marriage is such a wonderful, difficult, amazing lifelong commitment. It’s great that you took the time to get to know each other first. Best wishes to your cute family!

  2. Kristen says

    Thank you for sharing this! I was born out of wedlock (along with several other family members), but still value being married before children. I don’t think it’s “wrong” if it happens the other way around, but sometimes I feel guilty thinking that way bc I don’t want to make my parents or other family members feel bad that it wasn’t their route. Thank you for sharing some insight!

    • Neonbe says

      Awe I would say you definitely wouldn’t make anyone feel bad, I think we all value the idea of marriage before children but sometimes it doesn’t quite work that way. A part of me does wish I got to spend more time one on one growing with my husband for sure!

  3. Jaclyn Q says

    I applaud you for not rushing into marriage just for culture’s sake. Every relationship deserves the same chance to grow on its on regardless of circumstance. My husband and I were not married before our first child either.

    • Neonbe says

      That is how old Jude was it was pretty special that he was there to witness it and understand what was happening! So glad you enjoyed reading!

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